It’s the Quiet Ones You Should Watch Out For

You’ve heard the saying, haven’t you? “It’s the quiet ones you should watch out for.” It’s usually said with a smirk, a bit of humour about the unexpected. But the more I think about it, the more I see how true that statement is—just not in the way we expect.

When I look at my circle, past and present—friends, colleagues, relationships—I see now that true friendship, true love, and real support are never quiet. Silence in the moments that matter most feels like betrayal. And I’ve come to realise this: watch out for the quiet ones.

Watch out for the one who pulls away instead of drawing close in moments of your success. You’re excited to share how you’re thriving, but they suddenly seem too busy, cancelling plans or giving vague responses.

Watch out for the one who stays silent online. The friend who scrolls past your post about completing a degree, hitting a milestone, or receiving an award instead of leaving a comment or sending you a message. The one who does not support your small business or new online venture, While others cheer you on, they choose intentional absence.

Watch out for the friend who has no desire to reassure you when you’ve misunderstood them, the friend who doesn’t love you enough to correct you or be corrected by you but would rather just stay quiet.

Be mindful of the ones whose jealousy bites their tongue when they should be celebrating your new relationship or engagement. Look out for those who stay quiet—not because they’re unsure but because their envy holds them back from supporting you.

When you get that promotion or land the job you’ve been praying for, pay attention to the ones who cheer and the ones who don’t. Because friendship doesn’t stay quiet when you succeed; it doesn’t whisper behind your back or offer empty congratulations. Real friendship shouts with joy, standing beside you in both your weaknesses and your wins.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. – Romans 12:15

The Bible does not say to rejoice when you personally have something to rejoice about, it says to partake in others’ joy and rejoice with them. The Bible does not say you should only cry when something impacts you directly, it encourages a level of empathy that causes your heart to break and weep with those who weep. It does not say to stay silent and resentful when someone wrongs you but to speak up and tell them (Matthew 18: 15-17). The Bible rarely gives the option to respond to others with unbothered silence, only when dealing with fools (Proverbs 26:4) so watch out for the quiet ones.

Jesus was never quiet. Not in the way He loved, not in the way He stood with the broken, and not in the way He challenged the world around Him. He spoke when it mattered, and He moved when others were too afraid. His love was loud—loud enough to be heard over centuries.

He didn’t stand silently when the woman caught in adultery was dragged before Him. He defended her. He didn’t stay quiet when the Pharisees’ legalism crushed the people; He confronted them. He loved his friends enough to correct them and not silently watch them stumble because he wanted them to succeed.

Even in His death, Jesus wasn’t quiet. He endured the cross, publicly and painfully, so that His love for us could never be questioned. He made noise with His actions, His words, and His relentless compassion.

Friendship, real friendship, should look the same. It should defend, encourage, and celebrate. It should make noise. Watch out for the ones who don’t. The ones who seem harmless, the ones who act like butter wouldn’t melt—because butter melts.

Judas betrayed Jesus with a silent kiss—a gesture meant to signify loyalty but steeped in treachery. No words were needed; his actions spoke volumes. In the quiet of that moment, his true intentions were revealed, a betrayal cloaked in the guise of affection.

Judas’s silence wasn’t neutral—it was strategic. He didn’t defend Jesus, didn’t voice concern for Him, and didn’t confess his own struggles. His silence, combined with his secret actions, ultimately led to one of the greatest betrayals in history.

In contrast, Jesus was never silent about His love, purpose, or truth. Judas’s silence reminds us that what’s left unsaid often reveals as much about someone’s heart as what they choose to speak.

And if you’re wondering what to do about those silent friendships, well I am still struggling with this one… but what I try to do is pray for clarity and lean on God for guidance. Sometimes, silence is a sign to create distance, to guard your heart, and to invest in friendships that reflect the love, loyalty, and boldness of Christ.

Love boldly. Speak when it’s needed. Stand with the hurting, the celebrated, the forgotten. Be the friend who makes noise—not for attention, but because love and loyalty were never meant to be silent.

“A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity” – Proverbs 17:17