Why would you want to come to my wedding?

I am not engaged.
But rumour has it the diamond has been purchased… so we can discuss the wedding.

I am not dreading marriage.
I am not dreading commitment.
But I am, if I am honest, slightly dreading the invitations.

Because a wedding forces a different question.
Not “Who do I show up for?”
But “Who has truly shown up for me?”

A wedding is where sentiment meets cost.
Where loyalty meets a spreadsheet.
Where you ask yourself, would I gladly spend, on average, £100 for this person to witness one of the most sacred days of my life?

A wedding reveals who clapped in private and who only appears when there is confetti.

A few people have asked me recently, if they would be invited to my wedding.

I laugh and usually make a joke about eloping and say something along the lines of who can even afford a wedding these days.

But often what I want to say is:
Why would you want to come to my wedding?

Why would you want to sit in a room celebrating a relationship you have never celebrated?
For the almost three years of my relationship, you have scrolled past key moments.
Anniversaries.
Milestones.
Trips.
Growth.

Rarely liked
Rarely engaged.
Rarely acknowledged.
Rarely celebrated.

You are always watching.
But never supporting.
And I find that baffling.

Because a wedding is not a live show.
It is not a networking event.
It is not a social appearance.

It is a celebration of covenant, of love, of community, of the people who stood with you while you built the foundations of a love that you hope will last a lifetime.

Why would you want to attend the harvest of something you never watered?

Weddings are expensive.
Every plate costs.
Every chair costs.
Every name on that seating plan costs.

Invitations are not based on curiosity.
They are based on contribution.

I am not talking about money.
I am talking about presence.

Did you check in?
Did you celebrate?
Did you pray?
Did you speak well of us when we were not in the room?
Or did you watch quietly, withholding support because public affirmation would have contradicted private commentary?

There are people who cannot publicly support you because it would conflict with what they say behind your back. So they stay silent. And silence speaks.
You do not get front row access to something you quietly doubted and gossiped about.
You do not get a glass of champagne to toast a love you never cheered.

A wedding is not for spectators.
It is for supporters.

Not for the ones who monitored.
For the ones who moved towards.

Not for those who kept tabs.
For those who kept faith.

How low would my self-worth have to be to invite somebody who has never once supported me, never once celebrated me, never once stood beside me, and then spend thousands so they can eat, drink and watch?

I am someone who wears her heart on her sleeve.
My people know who they are.
And they know, I hope without question, that they are loved and valued.

I do not move in silence when it comes to appreciation.
I celebrate loudly.
I show up consistently.
I make it known.

So if you find yourself needing to ask whether you would be invited to my wedding, the answer is probably already there.