Changing my perspective of death

 

I guess I should probably start this blog by saying ‘Happy New Year’. I’m not really one those people who start reflecting and planning their year as soon as it hits midnight on NYE. In fact, I wasn’t even planning on reflecting or planning at all, I ditched the whole ‘word for the year’ thing and decided, I’d just call this year.. The Year of Doing You Boo. What that means, I’m not quite sure but that’s not why I’ve got out my laptop to write a blog.

I’m not sure about you but I have a pretty good shower routine and it starts with randomly picking a podcast that I think would be relevant to me. I thought seen as it is the beginning of the year, I should probably listen to something motivational and ‘I’m Glad it Happened by Elevation Church’ seemed like it ticked all the boxes so I decided to listen to it.

There are a lot of things in my life that I would not have chosen, a lot of things that I did not enjoy and caused me a lot of pain but because of the results I can say, ‘I’m glad it happened’. Even though it is hard to say that I am glad certain things happen, even though I may not feel glad, I choose to adopt a mindset of gladness and my feelings will catch up later. I’m not happy about the pain, I’m glad  that in the pain there is and was a purpose.

That’s pretty much what the podcast taught me and although I got out of the shower thinking more positively about certain negative things that has happened in my life, I thought to myself there is something that I will never be glad about – I will never be glad that my dad died. As soon as I thought that, it ruined everything I had learnt in the podcast because adopting a mindset of gladness in all things seemed unreachable for those like me who have gone through so much. But before I dismissed the whole podcast as being ‘okay for some’, I thought I’d pray about it mega quick because I needed to get dressed and watch Friends which is now on Netflix – thank God! Anyway, all I prayed was… “God if any good has come about from my dad going to be with you when I was six, please could you just reveal it to me right now” and to my absolute shock, he totally did and so the thing that caused me more pain than anything this world could throw at me, the thing that broke my heart in more ways than I could imagine, the thing that I can never go a day without thinking about, is now the thing that I am glad about.

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I’m glad my dad went to be with Jesus when I was six because…
– I have been able to not just know but experience God as Father, as Papa, an experience that many Christians have not yet glimpsed because they still have their earthly Fathers and don’t yet realise just how much they need to experience God as Father.
– I was able to tell 1.6 million people about how God is not distant, that he is present in their pain and that his intention was always one of love on BBC Radio 4
– What I went through meant I was able to tell congregations in Israel that God is a good Father and not just bring them closer to God but I helped bring a man who lost his faith when he lost a love one back to God.
– Knowing how hard it is to be away from my dad, I am now able to just glimpse just how hard it was for Jesus to be away from his dad when he came to die for me on a cross. From that knowledge births a feeling of worth and value knowing that Jesus went through that all so that I may have a relationship with the Father.
– I am glad that my dad went to be with Jesus when I was six because of every opportunity I have to explain to someone who does not know God, what God did with my broken heart, what God did with my orphan mindset and show them how God brought beauty out of someones reckless driving that took my dad from me and that he can do the same for them.

I did not want my dad to die, God did not plan for my dad to die but because I know my dad is in heaven, because my story helps to bring people to God and in turn ensures they are going to heaven, I am glad it happened. (what makes me even more glad, is that I thought I would never have the strength to say that and mean it)

It’s not a normal thing to say, it’s not orthodox, it’s completely unreasonable but so is God’s love.

I’m not nervous, I’m not worried, anxious, freaked out, stressed out or maxed out by this next coming year because I know that even though I don’t want the bad, God can still use the bad. So I don’t need to worry about the present, because regardless I know the outcome will be good because God is so good.

so much for not reflecting.

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